


Snapshots

by Snow_Falls



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, But that was such a good kiss, Cape Cod, Domestic Fluff, Dorks in Love, Er if you don't count the canon pill kiss, First Kiss, First kiss with mutual feelings, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Missing Moments, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Sexual Tension, boys being soft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 05:13:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18025349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snow_Falls/pseuds/Snow_Falls
Summary: A collection of missing moments between Ash and Eiji.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is really just random ideas I can't think of longer stories for, but I want to write anyway.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eiji is a sweater thief.

Ash woke slowly, eyes heavy, and mouth dry. He groaned into his pillow and gave himself exactly five seconds to stay in bed before he got up in one fluid motion. He rubbed at his face as he made his way to the bathroom, washing up and stripping out of his pajamas before picking up his jeans from the day before. They had been folded neatly and placed on the desk chair by the bed; he put them on with only a fleeting thought for who had taken the time to fold them so neatly. Ash grabbed a t-shirt from the wardrobe and looked for a sweater to wear. He rummaged in his closet for a moment, wanting to wear one in particular. He looked again and again, checking under other clothes in case it was hiding under a different sweater, but no, it wasn’t there. He was sure he had hung it back up, or Eiji had, after Ash had worn it. It hadn’t been dirtied or anything, had Eiji taken it to wash? Ash pouted a little, and pulled out a plain black sweater instead.

 Walking out of his shared room he was hit with the smell of coffee and fish. Ash had never really found the smell of fish unpleasant, and now less so, if anything, it was oddly comforting. He smiled a little, his grumpy expression vanishing at the thought of Eiji in his apron cooking breakfast for the two of them.

“Oh, good morning Ash,” Eiji greeted him as Ash walked into the kitchen, looking up as he dug through the fridge, his head peeking up from the top of the door.

“’Morning,” Ash said.

They smiled at each other.

“Coffee?”

“Please.”

Ash turned to sit at the table and picked up the newspaper. It had been placed on the edge of the table by his seat. He could hear Eiji in the kitchen as he got Ash a cup of coffee. Sometimes Ash would just get it himself, but that was only if Eiji was too busy to notice, if not he scolded Ash for getting in his way when he was trying to cook. Ash always rolled his eyes, “Bossy kid,” he’d say. “Who are you calling ‘kid’?” Eiji would retort.

He opened the paper and began to read through the financial section. Eiji placed a mug of coffee next to his right hand.

“Thanks,” he said automatically without looking up. 

“Mm,” was Eiji’s reply as he turned back to breakfast.

Ash picked up his coffee and drank the bitter stuff feeling himself come awake as his concentration centred on what he read.

Before he knew it Eiji was placing plates and bowls on the table.

“Need help?”

“You know I do not.”

Ash smiled dryly, once he had tried to help and spilled a box of salt all over their fish. Eiji had run him out of the kitchen.

He heard the sound of a chair scraping which meant Eiji was seated too. Ash finished the sentence he was reading and put the paper down, he reached for the plate of fish and bowl of rice that was his, and picked up his chopsticks.

“ _Itadakimasu,”_ Eiji said, hands together. Ash automatically brought his hands together too, and then began to eat.

“So, how is the world today?” Eiji asked, before picking up his mug of tea and taking a sip. Ash chewed before he looked up, and then froze. Sitting across from him on Eiji’s solid frame was the sweater he had been looking for. It was soft and warm, a grey and blue pullover.

Eiji had taken it, he was wearing it. Ash had to admit it looked good on him, it brought out the warm tone of his skin, the golden brown of his eyes, and it was just a little big on him. The sweater made Eiji look warm and comfortable.

Ash glared and pointed accusingly, “Hey!” He said, “That’s mine!”

Eiji had the grace to look guilty.

“What?”

Ash gave him a look. “You know exactly what, you’re wearing my favourite sweater, you little thief.”

Eiji’s look of guilt vanished, he glared back. “I am not stealing, just borrowing! You were not wearing it.”

“I was sleeping!”

“And I was awake cooking, I needed something to wear.” Eiji said with dignity, and took another sip of his tea.

“Like you don’t have clothes,” Ash grumbled.

Eiji rolled his eyes hugely. “Fine, fine, I will give it back.” He put his mug down.

“Good. You look like a kid playing dress-up in that.”

Eiji had pushed his chair back about to get up; he stopped. He gave Ash a look, and moved his chair back to its original position.

“No. I changed my mind.”

“What?” Ash demanded.

Eiji calmly picked up his chopsticks again. “You are being childish.” He took a bite of rice and spoke around it, with an air of great composure. “A brat.”

“ _I’m_ being a brat,” said Ash incredulously. “You’re the one who’s refusing to give me back my own clothes!” Ash leaned over his food toward Eiji, pointing at him.

Eiji chewed calmly, he picked up some fish.

Irritated by his affected air Ash stood up.

“Fine, I guess we’ll do this the hard way.”

That made Eiji look up. They looked at each other, eyes narrowed, assessing. Eiji put down his chopsticks.

“You would not.” Eiji said, but he eyed Ash warily. 

“Try me.” Ash took a step closer.

There was a pause, and then Eiji sprang up from his seat and ran for the bedroom, Ash hot on his heels.

“You are being unreasonable!” Eiji shouted as he attempted to close the door on Ash’s face.

Ash pushed back on it keeping it from closing. “Unreasonable!” He grunted, and put his shoulder into it, making Eiji lose his balance, and pushed his way through the door advancing on his friend. “You’re the one who won’t just change!”

“I like this sweater!”

“Yeah, so do I!”

Ash had cornered Eiji at the foot of the bed. He could see Eiji’s gaze move around, trying to work out a way to escape.

 _No you don’t._ He thought, and made a grab for the hem. Eiji’s hands flew out to try and pull his off. They struggled.

“Just – give – it – back – “

Eiji was leaning away from him, and his socked feet suddenly lost traction on the floor. He was falling backward onto the bed. Ash who was balancing himself braced on Eiji, fell with him. Ash landed heavily on Eiji and he heard his friend grunt on impact.

Ash braced himself over Eiji on his elbows. There was a pause.

“Sorry, you okay?”

“Yeah.” Eiji replied, a little pink.

“Good.” Another pause.

Then Ash made a grab for the hem of the sweater. Eiji made a sound of protest, but Ash had already yanked the sweater up with one hand, the other pinned down one of Eiji’s wrists. 

He wasn’t wearing anything underneath.

Ash was looking down at a lot of smooth light brown skin. Eiji still had muscle definition that came with athleticism, his jeans ran a little low, a hipbone exposed, brown nipples peaked with the sudden cool air, and his chest rose and fell heavily. Ash suddenly felt very hot.

He let go and pushed away abruptly.

“Whatever,” he said, turning away and standing up. “If you’re going to be like that, just keep the damn thing.”

He walked over to the door and stopped. Ash looked back at his friend. Eiji had pulled the sweater down and was now sitting up; he looked flushed and disheveled.

“Aren’t you coming?” He raised his eyebrows. “The food’s gonna get cold.”

Eiji was clutching the bottom of the sweater with both hands as if he were trying to pull it down further.

“Yeah, um, in a second.”

Ash turned and went into the kitchen. He sat heavily. He could hear Eiji get up and go to the bathroom. Ash sighed. Just what the hell had happened? Hadn’t he seen plenty of topless people? Hadn’t he seen Eiji in particular a million times before in all kinds of stages of undress? What was his problem? And – why had he wanted to touch him? Ash bit his lip. He still wanted to. He thought about sliding his hand up all that skin –

He shook his head, alarm bells going off in his mind.

Eiji came back looking a little pink, his bangs wet like he had just washed his face. He sat down. There was a moment of somewhat awkward silence.

“I’m gonna go shopping later, do you want anything?”

Eiji seemed to relax and seized on the change of topic. “Yes!”

“No more natto.”

Eiji looked affront.

They bickered in their usual manner and neither one mentioned the sweater again, but it was now effectively Eiji’s.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash gets hurt, Eiji contemplates his feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FEELINGS.

“It’s not a big deal,” said Ash as he walked out of the washroom, having washed the dirt and blood off his person.

“It _is_ a big deal. You are strong, but not invincible.” Eiji crossed his arms over his chest from his seat at the desk. He got up abruptly and went into the bathroom as well. He came out holding a little jar of muscle soothing cream in his hand. “Take off your shirt.”

Ash, who was putting away his guns, looked over his shoulder at Eiji and arched a delicate blonde eyebrow. “Oh my, you could at least offer to get me dinner first.”

Eiji didn’t take the bait, but he did flush. Ignoring the heat in his cheeks, he gave Ash an unimpressed look.

Ash sighed like he was being hassled and rolled his eyes before making his way over to sit on his bed. He took off his shirt in one motion, trying to hide his stiffness, but Eiji still caught it. He sat beside him.

“Turn more that way,” Eiji instructed, pointing. Ash did, he moved to sit further onto the bed and crossed his legs, back to Eiji.

Eiji frowned as he looked at Ash’s back. It was covered in bruises and fading scars. Ash had no wounds on him this time, but there were bruises at various stages of healing on him. Eiji couldn’t help but run sympathetic fingers over a particularly vivid bruise.

Ash shifted slightly and Eiji remembered himself. He opened the little jar and scooped some of the cream out; he rubbed it a little between his hands and then carefully applied it to Ash’s injured back. In the small stretches of skin that weren’t discoloured, Eiji applied a bit more pressure, trying to follow the line of muscle and relieve some of the tension he could feel there.

But, in the end, there wasn’t much Eiji could do. Ash was bruised, and there wasn’t much that could be done for bruising except apply ice and give it time to heal. Eiji was glad Ash couldn’t see his expression as he carefully traced old scars and new, he didn’t want his empathy to be mistaken for pity. And he didn’t want Ash to see his guilt, because this pain was for him, to help him, to save him. Next time – next time Eiji would save Ash. He was determined that he would help him at the very least. He refused to continue being a liability, he hated that he was the useless boy who was Ash’s weak point, his Achilles heel.

“I’m going to get some ice,” Eiji said, when he was finally done. He shifted back, closing the little jar of cream. He got up and went to the kitchen, taking out an ice pack and wrapping it in a clean hand towel he took from the closet.

Ash was still sitting in the same pose, but he turned to look at Eiji as he walked in. Eiji was suddenly struck by how young Ash looked. Sometimes he forgot, when Ash was bossing him around, when he was delegating to his gang, when he was jumping into the fray guns blazing, he forgot that Ash was just barely into his adulthood. He was just a young man who had the misfortune of being beautiful and talented around the wrong people. Maybe if he had been plain, like Eiji himself, he wouldn’t be caught up in something so much bigger than him. But, then maybe they would never have met.

Eiji smiled a little at Ash, and he smiled back, then turned, and let Eiji apply the ice to his more serious bruise. He let out a small sound, and Eiji couldn’t decide if it was in pleasure or pain.

“Thanks,” Ash said on a sigh, casually, Eiji might have been passing him his phone.

Sometimes too the feelings that were welling up in him would burst forth and catch Eiji by surprise, sometimes they would creep in so slowly he didn’t even notice them until they were right in his face, and sometimes, like now, Eiji saw them coming from a long way off, but still wasn’t prepared. He honestly didn’t know what to do with these feelings. He had tried untangling them, sorting them out and examining them one by one, but they were so firmly connected he could never manage it. Pull on one and they didn’t unravel, instead they become more tightly knotted. So that his growing feelings of attraction were intrinsically linked to his guilt, and then to his anxiety, to his worry, to his fear, and to his feelings of sincere straightforward affection.

Eiji was young and inexperienced, but he understood perfectly well what was happening. He kept a wary eye on his growing romantic feelings, but he hadn’t taken full stock of them yet, he was too afraid of what it would mean. He and Ash walked a delicate balance already, and Eiji was a source of worry for him, how could he possibly complicate things by introducing romance into the bizarre equation of their lives.

But, more than anything Eiji was afraid of how Ash would react. He was afraid to have his casual touches stop, of seeing his expression grow cold, or watch as his outstretched hand was withdrawn. He didn’t want to be another person in Ash’s life who asked for something of him, he wanted only to give, and the very idea of a romantic relationship would mean asking for something else, something more, something different, and Eiji couldn’t do that. He couldn’t do that.

He leaned his forehead against Ash’s back, careful of his bruising, still pressing the icepack firmly onto him. Eiji felt as well as heard Ash’s soft exhale that was also something like a laugh. “Tired? I guess old timers have early bed times.”

“Children have early bedtimes too.”

“Wow, sick burn.” Ash shifted, just a little, it hardly even jostled Eiji. “Not your best comeback, you okay?”

Eiji laughed a little, it came out on an exhale, and sounded as disbelieving as he felt. “ _Me_? You are the one covered in bruises. You are ridiculous.”

Ash shrugged, delicately, his movement restricted, and Eiji thought it must have been because of the bruising. “I’m used to it.”

“That is not a good thing.”

“No,” Ash agreed. “But, at least now I have someone who will help me ice my back. It kinda hurts to try and bend your arm like that for long, you know.”

Eiji kept his forehead pressed to Ash’s back, just below his nape, careful not to pull on soft blonde hair. He closed his eyes. He shouldn’t be the one getting comfort from Ash, this was all wrong.

“There has to be something else I can do for you, Ash. Just tell me, tell me and I’ll do it.” Eiji’s voice was quiet, pleading, his words almost pressed into Ash’s skin.

“You are,” Ash said, his usual teasing tone was absent, his voice was just as soft as Eiji’s, just as sincere. “Maybe you don’t get it because you don’t know, but, having you here, worrying about me, it’s kind of great.” Eiji opened his eyes and frowned, he opened his mouth to say something, but Ash was faster. “I don’t mean I want you to be constantly be worrying or anything, I’m not a sadist, I just, it’s nice to know someone cares. Like, if I died, someone would give a damn, that’s something, it’s more than I thought I’d ever have after Griffin.”

“Of course I would care!”

Ash’s laughter, soft and muffled, Eiji felt the vibrations of it. Ash reached back, groping blindly, and Eiji put his hand out, the one that wasn’t holding the ice. Ash took it, and carefully pulled it forward so Ash didn’t have to twist his arm back, and just held his hand. Ash's hand was rough with callouses, but his touch was gentle, so gentle.

Eiji lifted his head, he wanted Ash to turn and look at him, and at the same time was terrified he would. It felt incredibly dangerous to look him in the eye at that moment.

“You said you just want to be my friend, that’s still true right?”

Eiji felt a slight pang; he pushed that feeling away. “Yes.”

“That’s what I want too, if you don’t want anything from me, than neither do I. You said you wish you could help me, well, I wish we could just hang out like normal friends. Go to movies, hang out in the park, the, uh, arcade –?“ He paused. “Do people still go to arcades?” Eiji laughed despite himself. “Whatever,” He squeezed Eiji’s hand, “you know what I mean. I wish we could just be carefree like that, but we can’t, I can’t anyway. You’re giving up your normal safe life for me, I can’t ask for more, I won’t.”

“Arcades are still very popular in Japan,” Eiji said, after a beat. “When you come, we can go then.”

He could hear the smile in Ash’s voice. “I’d like that.”

They stayed like that for a long time, until they were both stiff and Eiji’s hand was starting to go numb from the ice, even through the towel. But, that was okay. Maybe everything else was okay too. They just had to get to the other side of everything, once everything was over and Ash was safe again, there would be time, endless time to sort through everything. Eiji could deal with his feelings then. For now he could let himself be Ash’s friend, and take courage from him, for him, because he would eventually have to acknowledge, this – whatever this was between them, and whether it was deliberate on Ash’s part, or if it was just Eiji’s vain hope. It was okay not to have answers just yet; their friendship was enough for now, it would be enough for always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is also just me practising the art of short fic. I tend to write long stuff more often than not, literally writing stuff I want to read, but all these will probably only be 3k or less. 
> 
> Feel free to give me prompts! Either in comments or on my [tumblr](nightofviolet.tumblr.com). And by "feel free" I mean please, please do.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ash and Eiji argue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I woke up one morning and was like, "I want to write an argument!"

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

Ash walked into the room clearly agitated. His clothes were dishevelled, he threw off the jacket he was wearing and walked toward the bathroom, paused and then walked to the window. He stopped, changed his mind again, and made to walk out of the room.

“Ash!”

“What?” He stopped by the door and threw an irritated look at Eiji who stood between their beds. It was a look Eiji had seen Ash use before; he silenced grown men and ended disputes in his gang with that look. Eiji refused to be cowed by it though; instead he squared his shoulders and lifted his chin.

“Something happened, what is it?”

Eiji met a different look now, it was Ash completely closed off. He had never seen Ash like this, and he thought about backing off, but he couldn’t just let him deal with this alone, he did that too much already.

Still, Ash was pushing back harder than he ever had before. Usually Eiji only had to probe a little, and Ash would tell him, or at least he’d expand on whatever was bothering him even if he didn’t tell him the whole thing. But, right now he wasn’t budging. It was as strange as it was unnerving. It made Eiji feel off balance, unsure of his footing.

“I told you, nothing. _Nothing_. Didn’t they teach you that word on Sesame Street?”

A strained silence followed in which they were both caught by surprise by what Ash had just said. Eiji watched his expression change, the tense set of his jaw, the way his eyebrows were drawn, it all shifted so that his expression was almost comically astonished. Eiji wasn’t sure which one of them was more taken aback to hear him say that.

“I’m sorry,” Ash blurted, “that’s not – I didn’t mean –“

Eiji swallowed hard. “It's not going to work.” He cut Ash off, glaring at him. “You can't make me stop worrying about you by insulting me. I still want you to talk to me.”

Ash shook his head, some of his former agitation creeping back in. “No, that’s not what – “ He sighed. “I shouldn’t have said that.” Ash’s gaze met Eiji’s, unwavering. “I’m sorry. It was a shitty thing to say, and you don’t deserve that. I didn’t mean it. But, that doesn’t mean –“

“’Doesn’t mean’ what?” Eiji demanded, walking forward so he stood in front of Ash. “You just left suddenly, you did not tell anyone where you would be, and everyone was out looking for you, except me! I am here because you ask me to stay put, you could at least tell me what is happening.”

“Maybe if it’s such a hassle for you to be here you should go home!”

“No! I will stay!”

“Then you can’t complain!”

“Yes, I can!”

They were leaning toward each other, shouting in each other’s faces. Eiji pointed a finger and jabbed it into Ash’s chest. “You do not know what it's like to sit here and wait. You are in trouble, we all know. And then you _disappear_ –“ Jab, jab, jab. “Are you stupid? How can you just _do_ that?” Ash caught his hand, his grip was strong, just this side of painful. Eiji went on, undeterred. “It’s unfair and cruel.” Eiji gestured with his free hand. “Everyone else already thinks of me as nothing but your pet, are _you_ going to treat me like that too?”

He saw the words hit Ash like a blow. He could practically see the exact moment they hit him; Ash opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again, but said nothing. Eiji felt the smallest sense of victory at rendering Ash speechless, but it rang hollow knowing that something was going on and Ash couldn't- _wouldn't_ tell him what it was.

“I just want to know you are okay.” Eiji said softly.

Ash reacted to that too, his hand tightening on Eiji’s just a fraction; he looked pained.

“Of course I’m not okay. God, Eiji, with everything that’s happening –“ Ash gestured sharply, they both knew he didn’t need to expand. “It feels like the whole world is going crazy. Crazier even than it already was. And what the fuck am I supposed to do against the whole world? I didn’t ask for this. I don’t want any of this!” He gestured again, and he could have meant all the problems at his door, or the fancy apartment room they were in, or the life he’d led up to that point, or every tragedy that had ever befallen him. “I don’t know what to do, Eiji. I don’t know, I don’t – “ He broke off on a frustrated sound, turning his head away.

Eiji watched him feeling like he was missing something important. It felt like whatever Ash was talking about, it had to do with something bigger, something that had been building for some time now, and not just something that occurred a day or two ago.

He brought his free hand up and gently turned Ash’s face back. His was staring firmly at the ground, his long blonde lashes hiding his lovely eyes.

“Hey,” Eiji said, softly, like he was gentling a wild animal, trying to coax it into taking the treat from his hand. “Whatever it is, you are not alone. Whatever is happening, I will help you. Max, Ibe-san, Alex, Sing, the whole gang will help you. You are not alone, Ash. We – I am here.”

Ash made another frustrated sound. He looked up at Eiji, his green eyes blazing, and swore softly before he kissed him.

Caught by surprise, Eiji didn’t even close his eyes; in fact they were wide open. It was the second time Ash had kissed him, but it felt like the first. Eiji was hot all over, and when Ash let go of his hand to cup the side of his face, Eiji’s hand hung awkwardly where it had been, he didn’t know where to put it.

The first time Ash had kissed him, it had been, to be perfectly honest, hot. It had been seductive, sultry, showy, and it had made Eiji want to die as much as it felt like it had brought him to life. This – this was different. Ash was different. He was urgent, and hard, and taking. And Eiji wanted to give, but the feeling the kiss was communicating was unnerving.

Ash pulled abruptly away. They were both breathing hard; they stared at each other.

Ash looked away first. He let go of Eiji and took a step back. Then turned and walked out of the room.

Eiji stood there for a moment, listening to his footsteps. He was afraid for a moment Ash would leave, that Eiji would have to chase after him, but he went to the kitchen. Eiji heard the none too gentle opening of cabinets, the sound of water running, the scrape of a chair, and then silence. He took a moment to collect himself, calm his racing heart, and steel his resolve. Whatever this was, he couldn’t let it end like this, as much as he wanted to simply crawl under his blankets, sleep it off, and pretend that nothing had happened, it would be unfair to both of them. So, Eiji slowly made his way to the kitchen.

There he saw Ash. He sat at the table, feet planted firmly on the ground, elbows on his knees, and head in his hands. His blonde hair caught the faint light from their room and seemed to glow. Eiji felt his heart ache.

He approached him carefully, knowing Ash could sense him coming. He didn’t say anything, tell him to go, or otherwise make any kind of move or sound, so Eiji kept going until he stood right in front of him.

“Ash.”

He didn’t stir. For one almost heart stopping moment Eiji had a sudden fear that something was wrong with him, he felt cold all over, like seeing a waking nightmare, an awful premonition. But, then he saw the steady rise and fall of his back, he was breathing. Eiji scolded himself for being an idiot, of course he was breathing, why would he think he wasn’t? He gave himself a mental shake, and tried again.

“Ash,” he said, just as softly. Eiji reached out a hand, and hesitated. The faintest touch on his shoulder didn’t stir him, so Eiji tried again, his whole hand on Ash’s shoulder now. “Ash, please look at me.”

“I’m sorry.” Came Ash’s muffled reply.

“What for?”

“You know what.”

“Do I? I think you have to explain.”

When Ash finally lifted his head, Eiji wanted to take him in his arms and never let go. His expression was so pained, so mournful, he looked wrecked.

“I’m an idiot,” Ash said. “And, a jerk, and I shouldn’t have –“ Eiji could hear the strain in the words, he was forcing them out, “kissed you. I’m _sorry_ –“

Eiji shook his head, squeezing Ash’s shoulder. “You are both those things,” Eiji agreed, gently teasing. “But, are you really sorry?”

“Of course!” Ash said quickly.

“Really?” Said Eiji, feeling his heart beat almost painfully fast. His voice had a breathy quality to it when he spoke. “I am not.”

Ash just looked at him, clearly not comprehending. Eiji felt his hand shake, he almost didn’t follow through, there was still time to cut and run. He could almost see himself do it. In his mind’s eye he was running, away from this boy, from his feelings, from this life. That would be easier; it would be _infinitely_ easier. But, it would be pointless, his heart would remain here.

So, Eiji didn’t run.

Brushing back fine hair, Eiji let his touch linger, and slowly leaned in. It was Ash’s turn to look surprised.

This time was better by far. Ash sighed, and kissed him back, gently. Ash’s hands gripped Eiji’s shirt at his waist, he let Eiji direct the kiss, which he thought was probably a mistake, because he had only a vague idea what to do. But Eiji tried to figure it out, again, and again, and again. And, Ash let him. Let him tentatively coax his mouth open, let him curl his fingers in soft blonde hair like he had been longing to do, let him run careful touches along warm sensitive skin. This time was definitely better.

Ash was the one to pull away, slowly, giving Eiji time to recover from the singularly sublime experience of kissing him. Ash was smiling, shyly, and Eiji felt himself smile too.

“You’re blushing.”

“So are you.”

They both laughed, despite the fact that neither of them had said anything funny.

At some point Eiji had stepped closer so he was standing between Ash’s legs, and Ash’s arms were now wrapped firmly around Eiji’s waist. Ash looked up at him, green eyes heartbreakingly beautiful. Ash huffed another laugh and dropped his forehead onto Eiji’s chest.

They stayed like for a moment, both of them quietly enjoying this new intimacy, this miraculous revelation of mutual feeling.

“Did you mean what you said?” Eiji asked, fingers playing idling in Ash’s hair.

“I said a lot of shit.” Came Ash’s muffled response.

“That I should leave.”

“God, no.” Ash said without hesitation, it made Eiji smile. He pulled away and looked up at him. “And, I don’t think of you as a pet or something.” He made a face in obvious disgust. “Jesus, who the fuck said that? I’ll break their face.”

Eiji rolled his eyes; he touched Ash’s own face that was like a work of art. “You will just hurt your pretty hands.”

Ash smiled slowly, “You think my hands are pretty?”

“Yes. All of you is pretty. You are _so pretty_ , Ash.”

“Shut up.”

Eiji laughed. He kissed Ash softly on the forehead, because he was cute, and because he could.

They smiled at each other. Eiji’s smile slowly faded.

“What? What is it?”

“Will you tell me, now?”

Ash sighed hugely. He held Eiji just a bit tighter. There was one tense moment where Eiji thought he wouldn’t, but then Ash sighed again, more quietly this time, and nodded.

“Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm such a fucking sap. At first I wanted to make them angry kiss, but before I knew it I was softening things so the kiss wouldn't be so harsh. Damnit. I'll get there one day. 
> 
> Slot this in wherever it makes sense in the timeline for you. At first I agonized over where exactly this went, and then I was like, "It doesn't matter, the feelings matter!" But, I'll try to work with a firmer sense of time in the future. =)
> 
> I have two or three other little things I want to write, but I'd love your suggestions! Please feel free to leave them in comments or my [tumblr](nightofviolet.tumblr.com), or twitter @snow_falls4, or hit me up on discord Snow_Falls#2405. See you next chapter! ^^


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cape Cod

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm slowly working my way up to more Shorter!

It wasn’t the first time Eiji had been so hot. Japan got hot like this too, more so in big cities where there was higher air pollution. He could feel parts of his shirt cling to him, his skin was damp, and he felt sluggish, like he could just spend the day lying around, even though he hadn’t really done anything anyway.

“My back’s starting to hurt.”

“My ass hurts – Ow!”

There was the muffled sound of laughter, of bodies shifting, and then settling again. All three of them were lying on the floor in the living room. Ash and Eiji had come in after helping Max and Ibe-san before they left, and found Shorter lying on the floor spread out like a starfish. Upon seeing him Ash had asked, “What the hell are you doing?” To which Shorter had replied simply, “The floor is kinda cold.”

They had been like that for some time now, so that the coolness of the laminated floor was basically gone. They shifted around a few times, but there was only so long anyone could just lie on the floor comfortably.

“It’s too hot.”

“Hot damn.”

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

More sounds of a scuffle, more muffled laughter. Finally Shorter sat up, abruptly, his glasses slipping slightly down his nose.

“That’s it! I need food.”

Ash and Eiji exchanged a look.

“I’m cooking.” Shorter announced, almost triumphantly, like he had just made a brilliant decision. He walked over to Eiji and stretched out his hand, Eiji took it, smiling, pleased in a way he hardly even registered anymore when Shorter smiled back, and stood up. Shorter did most of the work, pulling him with a firm strong grip, making him jump up a little when he stood. Then he went to Ash and did the same thing. Ash hadn’t moved apart from a slight turn of his head to look at them, he had just waited expectantly for Shorter to walk over to him and offer his hand. Ash had smiled at him too, but it was different, full of cat – like satisfaction, that, Eiji thought, if he could see his eyes, Shorter would be rolling them at that smile.

They walked into the kitchen and took stock of its contents. “Alright,” Shorter took out ingredients and delegated tasks. It went smoothly at first, then:

“No, Ash, not – wait!”

“Not like that, Ash!”

“That’s enough, don’t put more!”

“That’s it.” Shorter said, when Ash blundered for the fifth time. “Get out.” He sounded exasperated, and perfectly serious.

“You kicking me out of my own house, Wong?”

“Damn right I am.” They both tried to stare the other down; Eiji looked between them, not sure who to give the advantage to. Without looking away from him Shorter said, “Eiji, go with him. Take Ash for a swim or something.”

“What the hell, man. Are you making Eiji babysit me?” Ash looked indignant.

“Whatever. Just get out of here. We need to eat and you need to be anywhere but here.” Shorted made a ‘shoo’ motion with his hands, “Run along children.”

Eiji didn’t move, he felt caught in the middle. “Or we could –“

“Whatever,” Ash echoed, and turned taking Eiji’s arm as he walked out of the kitchen. “Let’s go.”

Eiji went with him, saying over his shoulder as they went, “You are only a year older than me!” He heard Shorter say something in response, but he couldn’t make out the words.

“Well,” Ash said as they stepped out onto the porch. “Looks like we’ve been banished. Where to now?”

Eiji eyed him sidelong. “You’re not upset?”

Ash turned to him looking surprised. “What? Of course not.” He grinned suddenly, a sly look in his eye. “You think I’d really mess up that many times by accident?” He gestured forward, “Well?”

Eiji shook his head. “You are going to give Shorter grey hair.” But, he was smiling too. “I want to go swimming.”

He watched the way Ash’s eyes lit up at the suggestion. There was one second where they stood grinning at each other, and then Ash took off yelling, “Race you!”

“Ash you dirty cheat!”

They were both laughing as they ran. It made it harder to breathe, but both of them were used to sprinting, and the pond they were heading to wasn’t far. Eiji, who hadn’t been out of practice for too long was only a little winded, Ash, who had crazy stamina, wasn’t winded at all.

“I won,” said Ash triumphantly, hands on hips, beaming. They were taking off their shoes and socks, tossing cellphones down, perhaps not as gently as they should.

“You did not! You cheated!”

“Me? I’m hurt you'd even say that.” Ash turned big green eyes on him, his expression angelic, his tone wounded. “I would never.”

Eiji didn’t say anything, just shoved at him. Ash grabbed his hands, they struggled for a moment. Ash was clearly toying with him, letting Eiji get a hold on him, and then expertly slipping out, so Eiji tried again and again, pushing him closer to the pond until they were stepping in. When they reached the full depth, the water coming up to just above their waists, Eiji jumped up. He could see from Ash’s face that he had caught him by surprise, and it was a delightful moment for Eiji, but he saw that look for only a second before they were both under the water.

They came up spluttering, and laughing. They pushed hair and water out of their eyes, and adjusted to the decidedly uncomfortable experience of being submerged in water with all your clothes on.

“You jerk! I swallowed water!”

That made Eiji laugh harder. Ash grabbed him in a headlock, Eiji tried to get himself out of it. They struggled again, it took a moment for Eiji to find Ash’s foot under the water, but he hooked his own around it and pulled. It didn’t work like it would have on land. Ash was buoyant, but Eiji pushed with his shoulder, sort of jumping again and they were under water once more. Ash let go, and Eiji swam away.

When they came up again they eyed each other warily. “Happy now?” Eiji said, “I swallowed water too.”

Ash flashed his teeth. “Ecstatic.”

Eiji splashed water at him, and then it was who could splash the most water at the other. When they tired of that they swam around, they floated lazily on the water, and they tested who could hold their breath longer. They played like that until they were both utterly worn out.

Dragging themselves out of the water they threw themselves down on the shaded grass at the edge of the pond. Eiji’s muscles hurt in a way that was familiar to him, and if he had still been pole vaulting, he probably wouldn’t feel half this tired, but it had been some time since he had exercised regularly. Ash probably wasn’t nearly as tired, but he lay face down in the grass like he was.

They lay there quietly for a moment. Listening to the birds, the rustling of leaves, and the hum of the insects. “Do you think Shorter is done yet?”

“Don’t know. Check the time.”

“Ugh, that’s so much effort.”

Eiji turned to look at Ash; he was already looking back at him. When their gazes met, Ash smiled.

“What would you have done if Shorter sent you alone?” Eiji asked.

Ash’s smile turned smug, “I knew he wouldn’t.”

“Oh?”

“Please. I know Shorter.”

Eiji shook his head. “You are too sure of yourself.” Ash gave him another cat –like smile, he was very good at those.

“One, two, three go!”

Eiji smiled. Since they had arrived at Cape Cod, staring contests were something they did often. They didn’t even say they were going to do them anymore, someone simply counted down, and the game was on. They were trying to figure out a way to make three person staring contest, but so far everything Ash suggested was crazy and over the top, which really, was fitting for Ash.

They looked at each other for a moment. They lay close together, but they weren’t touching. Eiji was on his back, head turned. The wind shifted, blowing hot air over them and ruffling Ash’s pale hair. Sometimes Eiji thought he was used to his looks, that he couldn’t possibly be fazed by them anymore, but then there were times like this one where Ash was almost too beautiful, where it didn’t seem possible that he could exist in the world of men and look like that. He thought about the Greek myths Ash had been telling him about, about gods in the shape of men, about Helen of Troy, and the face that launched a thousand ships. It had sounded exactly like what it was, a myth, but, looking at Ash, Eiji thought maybe he understood that. Maybe he understood what love for someone like him could cause.

There was still a part of Ash that was closed off to Eiji, and maybe there always would be. But the part of him that was open, that was worth everything. It was worth every day he was away from home, from his country, his family, his own language; Ash was worth it. When he looked at Eiji, when he turned that soft smile on him, those laughing eyes, when he slung his arm around him, when he teased him, it made Eiji feel like he was glowing, like his heart was too big for his chest. It made him feel special, and the craziest thing was that he was pretty sure he made Ash feel the same way.

“You blinked.” Ash said. “You blinked again.”

Eiji had completely forgotten they were playing. Ash raised perfect blonde eyebrows. “What?”

He shook his head. “Nothing.”

Ash gave him a look, but didn't say anything. Instead he sat up and stretched. Eiji watched him; he smiled. The side of Ash’s face was pink and imprinted with the pattern of the grass he had been lying on. He rubbed at it absently and reached over Eiji to get his phone.

“I think it’s okay to go back now.”

Eiji sat up too, picking up his own phone. He looked back at Ash, “You won’t hassle Shorter?”

“No promises.” Ash stood, grabbing his things, then helped Eiji up. The second he was standing Ash said, “Race you!”

Eiji made a noise that was part surprise part frustration as Ash laughed and ran flat out. They were like young gods, joyous and exuberant. In that moment it was like the world was theirs, like nothing could be so bad that it would eclipse that moment. And when Ash flashed him a grin, Eiji felt like he could take on the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was looking at "That Summer" from "Angel Eyes" and I just really wanted to write something about that. I wanted to throw Shorter in, but all those pictures are just the two of them, so I did this instead. But, like I said, more Shorter is def necessary, even though I'm nervous to write him, it's time to flex that particular writing muscle I think.
> 
> Thank you for sending in prompts! Please keep them coming, I'm making my way to them! =D


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Cape Cod shenanigans, this time from Shorter's POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE TO START SWEET MUSIC PLAYING IN THE DARK~ I've had [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Irw04nbXwxk) song stuck in my head all day, I listened to it a lot writing this.
> 
> I'm still on my bullshit, I hope you have as much fun reading this as I did writing it =)

Shorter scanned the aisle looking for a particular brand of noodles, knowing he shouldn’t have his hopes up, but still disappointed when they didn’t carry it. Ash walked by and casually placed tofu into the cart Shorter was pushing. He was surprised this store even had tofu.

“Where’s Eiji?”

Ash shrugged, and then smirked. “Maybe thinking about getting some protein powder to help maintain those muscles. Have you seen his legs?”

Shorter raised his eyebrows. He had, in fact, seen Eiji’s legs, and he had to admit, “They sure are something.” Ash nodded right away, unabashed about his appreciation for his friend’s physique.

“They don’t have it, huh?” Ash asked looking into the cart and then looking at Shorter.

“Nope.”

“Well,” said Ash, “that’s just what happens when you go somewhere touristy and densely populated by white people. At least there’s a lot of avocado.”

Shorter smiled slowly. “Thank god, what else was I supposed to put on my toast?”

“Oh, there you are.” Eiji came into the aisle carrying a bunch of stuff in his arms. Ash and Shorter exchanged a look; Eiji still definitely ate like an athlete. “What?”

“Nothing.” Said Ash and Shorter at the same time. Eiji gave them a look, but Shorter just pushed the cart along and they followed.

In the cereal aisle they argued about which ones to get.

“That one has too much sugar! It cuts your gums!”

“Yeah, well, that one tastes like paper!”

“This one is obviously the best choice!”

“Rock, paper, scissors, assholes, let’s go!”

Thankfully the store was relatively empty. It was just past noon on a weekday, there were only a few other customers, and they were the only ones making any kind of noise, other then the faint sound of carts being pushed. The other customers and employees shot them all looks ranging from irritation to amusement, but no one said anything to them. In the end they bought all three cereals.

Shorter insisted they buy and bring their own reusable bags, and he carefully packed everything away at the cash. They put their things in the cart; Ash was pushing it now. When they got out, they didn’t put the cart back, but took it with them. Thankfully this was the type of store that didn’t lock the wheels when they were taken out too far, and once they were out of the parking lot Ash began coaxing Eiji into sitting in the cart.

Shorter watched them bicker. They were so easy with each other. He remembered when he had first met Ash; it was like trying to befriend a venomous animal. His bright colours clearly warning everyone away, but Shorter had been drawn in instead, even though Ash had scared the shit out of him. He wished he had been there when Ash and Eiji had met. He had heard others talk about it, even Ash and Eiji themselves, and from the sounds of it, they had gotten along right from the off. Eiji had fearlessly put his hand out and petted a wild animal, and found it hadn’t taken his hand off for his troubles, instead it – Ash had leaned into the touch. He wished he had been able to see it; it must have been something. Like seeing lightning strike sand, it would have been amazing to see the impact; the moment glass was formed.

“Not too fast!”

Shorter blinked. Ash had managed to get Eiji into the cart. Eiji was the smallest of them, but he was still too big to be sitting in a shopping cart, especially with their groceries in there too. Ash was pushing the cart with a wild look in his eyes, pushing hard and then standing on the little shelf under the cart and riding along. They were both laughing; Ash closed his eyes and tilted his head back. He looked so young, Shorter never forgot that he was still just a kid, but it was moments like these that really brought that home. They were all still just kids.

He ran after them, “Hey!” He yelled. They turned laughing faces at him, and Ash good-naturedly relinquished his spot to let Shorter push. After another moment they all switched, and Ash got into the cart. Shorter hopped on too, hanging onto the back and Eiji struggled to push.

“Come on, you can do it!”

“Flex those muscles!”

“Shut – up!” Eiji grunted.

It was a miracle they didn’t tip the cart over, or crush the eggs. They got back, and Max and Ibe were still out. They put everything away and then raced back out. They ran for the pure joy of it, to feel the burn in their muscles, the hard beat of their hearts, to hear each other’s breathless laughter. In the back of his mind Shorter sometimes worried about the fact that he had up and left with three random dudes and Ash. He had responsibilities, people to take care of, sure it would have been hard in that moment to do that, but he could have tried instead of taking off. But, in moments like these it was hard to remember all that. Mostly he just thought about how much he had missed feeling like this. He looked over at the two other boys who were so different from each other, and from Shorter himself, and was struck by how much he cared for both of them. Ash he had known for years, Eiji for weeks, but he thought it wasn’t an exaggeration to say he would die for either of them.

When they got too hot they threw off their shirts, then threw themselves down in the shade.

“Fuck, marry, kill, the cashiers at the grocery store. Go.”

“Why would you ask that?” A pause. “Obviously you kill the long haired dude.”

“Right? Something about that guy was _creepy_.”

Shorter and Ash turned to Eiji, who was lying between them, conspicuous in his silence, at almost the exact same time with almost the exact same smirks. They prompted him with a, “Well?”

Eiji gave them a look, but he had faint colour in his cheeks.

“Let me guess,” Shorter began, raising his eyebrows, “you’d marry the _blonde_.” Shorter had expected some reaction but wasn’t prepared for the one he got. Eiji blushed a furious red. Shorter grinned at him, delighted. “I bet if you asked them about us, they’d all say ‘marry’ for you.” He took Eiji’s chin in his hand and cooed, “Cuz you’re so _cute_.” Eiji swatted his hand away and scowled.

“I don’t know,” said Ash nonchalantly, “I’ve seen cuter.”

Shorter and Eiji both looked at him.

“Hey! You take that back, there’s no one cuter!” Shorter pointed at him over Eiji.

“Yeah! Take that back.”

Ash smirked. “Make me.”

It was funny how quickly they were all used to each other. How easy it was to read each other’s movements and moods. How much everything they said and did was an invitation to tease, to laugh, and to touch. So that no one was surprised when they were suddenly all tussling there on the grass. They were a mess of long limbs and carefree laughter, and Shorter took the time to take off his glasses so he didn’t have to worry about breaking them or getting them caught on something. Somehow they all ended up piled on him, Ash almost lounging on top of both him and Eiji.

“Get – off!”

When they all got up, it was a race back to the house. Max and Ibe were back, and they wanted to talk to Ash.

Just like that it was like stepping back into their real lives, Shorter felt the easy atmosphere dissipate, he felt a pang at its loss as he watched Ash’s expression change. Eiji touched his elbow, and Shorter turned to look at him, “Let’s make dinner,” he said, smiling, just a little sad.

They played music, they sang off key, and they cooked with companionable ease. At first glance Eiji just seemed like a normal, random kid, like you could switch him out with anyone, he seemed that unremarkable. At first. But, being around him was like breathing fresh air; it was like drinking spring water, like watching snowfall, Shorter didn’t know how else to explain it, there was something beautiful and awesome – in the literal sense, _awe_ some – about Eiji. Being around him, seeing Ash around him was like seeing magic, and Eiji reminded Shorter of Ash himself. Ash was like the urge to step off a cliff, into the wide unknown, and Eiji was like coming home, both irresistible.

While they waited for the rice to cook, Eiji turned up the music, hip–checked him, then took Shorter’s hand, and twirled him. Shorter laughed, drawn in by the playful look in his eyes. He spun Eiji in turn, grabbed his waist, and dipped him low, they both laughed, and at no point did Eiji seem like he was worried about being dropped, it made Shorter feel an odd sense of pride. Despite the fact that he was the one to start it, Eiji was a little stiff at first, but Shorter twirled him, he exaggerated his dance moves, he did stupid things like vogue and grabbed his own ankle with one hand and put the other behind his head, elbow out. Eiji laughed and loosened up; Shorter could see him get less and less self-conscious.

They must have been making a racket, and when Ash wandered in, he stopped at the entrance to the kitchen looking surprised. Shorter had his hands around Eiji’s waist, he had been lifting him, maybe a little unwisely in their cramped quarters with a hot stove and knives around, but no harm no foul.

“Ash!” Eiji exclaimed, joyously.

And, like his expression had changed when Max and Ibe had called him, Shorter watched it shift again, his eyes sparkling once more. When they threw their arms around him, he made token efforts to push them off, but neither Eiji nor Shorter thought for one second he wanted them to stop.

Later, they were all drinking and laughing. It was well past midnight, and both Max and Ibe had begged off pleading old age and the need to sleep. It was just the three of them in the living room. They watched scary movies on Max’s laptop, and drank with abandon. Predictably, Eiji was the one to pass out first. To be fair, Ash and Shorter had been picking on him, knowing he was unaccustomed to drinking.

Shorter and Eiji were sitting on the couch together, Eiji asleep on Shorter’s shoulder, and Ash sat on Shorter’s other side in an armchair adjacent. So, when Shorter carefully took the partly empty can of beer from Eiji’s hand, Ash was close enough to pass it to without jostling his sleeping friend. Shorter looked at Eiji’s sleeping form, and then at Ash who was looking at him with soft eyes.

“You really think it’s okay for him to be here?” Shorter asked, quietly, carefully.

Ash didn’t look at him, his eyes still on Eiji. “No. I think it’s a terrible idea. Every day I think I should pack him off to Japan even if I have to drag him kicking and screaming to the airport. But, everyday I don’t.”

“What is it about him, do you think?” Shorter knew he didn’t need to elaborate, Ash understood what he meant. He knew his own answers, and he thought he knew Ash’s; but he suddenly wanted to hear them.

Ash looked down at his own can of beer, held loosely in his lap. Ash was never one to drink quickly, you often thought he drank a lot because he always had a drink in his hand, but he made his way through one beer so slowly, by the time you realized that, you were already trashed.

“He’s – special.” Ash said at last, looking at Eiji again. His expression was so full of quiet longing it made something in Shorter squeeze, and he felt a sharp pang of his heart. He was self aware enough to know what he was feeling, as much as he hated to admit it, but why and _who_ he was jealous of was another question altogether. He suspected he knew the answer to that to, but maybe it wasn’t the best time to realize he had feelings for his friends. Though, was there ever a good time?

“Yeah,” said Shorter, feeling an exquisite ache in his heart, equal parts sweet and painful. “I know what you mean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Strums guitar* Feeeeeelingsssss
> 
> Slowly trying to work my way up to writing Shorter/Ash/Eiji, but writing three people is so much harder. orz 
> 
> I've got some lovely prompts from people and I'm stoked to write those! Got something you'd like to read? Send in prompts, ideas, thoughts, I'd love them! Find me on [tumblr](nightofviolet.tumblr.com) for more of my nonsense! ^^


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ash and Eiji get a cat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested: fluffy ash/eiji in which they adopt a cat =)
> 
> Here's a [link](https://bananaroom7.tumblr.com/post/183148326462) for the official art this is based off, sorry I forgot to link it sooner! (Also, sorry this one's a bit edited, but you get it ^^;; ).

“It’s so small!”

“Right?” A hint a pride in his voice.

“And _cute_.”

“You can touch it, just be gentle.”

“Obviously,” a pause, “ah, so soft and warm.”

“I know, I’ve just been sitting here petting it this whole time.” Said Ash, and then corrected himself, “Petting her.”

Eiji looked up at Ash, “’Her’?”

Ash nodded, “Yeah.” He looked back at the kitten curled up in his lap. She was small and inky black, every inch of her, just bigger than his hands, definitely still young. “I already took her to the vet, she said –“

“Wait,” Eiji interrupted, “You already went to a vet?”

“Yeah, I had to make sure she was okay first before I brought her home.”

Eiji raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you thinking of keeping her?”

“Of course!” Ash said, equal parts surprised and indignant. “What, are you saying we should put her back on the street?” He lifted her to cuddle against his chest and frowned at Eiji. “You’ve disappointed both of us.”

Eiji rolled his eyes and tried, with no real success, to suppress a smile. “Don’t be dramatic, you know that’s not it.” He looked at the little cat that meowed plaintively until Ash settled her more comfortably. Ash could see he was going to say yes, and was already thinking of names. “Just, are you sure you want to take care of her?”

“Artemis.” Ash said firmly.

“’Artemis’?”

“Yeah, that’s her name.” Ash looked at the kitten fondly. “Goddess of the Hunt.”

Eiji sighed quietly, but he looked amused. “Well, okay, I guess we should go get her some things?”

“I already did,” said Ash, a little distractedly, as he carefully settled her on the couch. He missed the look Eiji gave him as he did so. “Welcome home, Artemis.”

 

 

Artemis had to be taken a few days later for her shots, she had to be trained to use the litter box, and when she kept making a fuss every time they ate dinner, her food and water bowls had to be moved from a corner of the kitchen to just to the side of their breakfast table.

Ash had never had a cat before, he remembered a childhood friend of his did, and that cat had been very independent. He came around to the same room but didn’t really care to be touched; Artemis on the other hand was a big fan of cuddles. Whenever he or Eiji would be sitting or lying somewhere she would jump up and sit on their lap, or climb onto their chest purring softly. Ash often sat at his computer, only to have Artemis come and bump his hand with her head until he pet her.

At first it startled them to feel her jump on and off the bed at night, but eventually they got used to it and slept right through her movements at night. It got that she was so used to sleeping with them that if one of them was in bed before the other she would start fussing, meowing, and even going to get the other as if to say, “It’s time to sleep, why aren’t you in bed with us?” She often went in search of Ash like this, since he was the night owl, and he could swear she was scolding him in those times.

They lay together one night, Ash scattering kisses to the back of Eiji’s neck, listening to his muffled giggles, and unable to help smiling himself.

“Where’s Artemis?” Eiji asked after a moment.

Ash ran his lips over Eiji’s shoulder and bit him lightly. “Probably in her bed.”

“Oh? That’s rare, she never sleeps there at night.”

“It might be because I rubbed it with catnip.”

A pause, and then more muffled laughter. “I see.” Eiji turned in his arms, smirking. “And, why, I wonder, did you do that?”

“I just thought that would be fun for her.”

Eiji was grinning now. “Fun for her, or,” he paused significantly, “fun for you?”

Ash was smiling now too. “Us.” He corrected. He didn’t give Eiji more time to talk, giving his mouth something else to do as his hands slipped under Eiji’s shirt. He was so warm; his heat was especially lovely on days like this one, when it was mercilessly cold outside. Eiji didn’t try to say anything else anyway, just pushed himself closer, his hands in Ash’s hair, and his leg thrown over his hip.

It was truly surprising that Ash hadn’t heard her approach; he was genuinely startled when Artemis suddenly jumped onto the bed, and inserted herself firmly between them. She purred loudly, and rubbed against his chest. He and Eiji broke apart and looked at this small blob of black fur. Eiji started laughing, and kissed Ash briefly on the cheek.

“We should probably train her to sleep on her own,” Ash said frowning a little.

Eiji chuckled and shook his head. “This is just what happens when you become a parent.” He yawned and then shifted to lie on his back, pulling the covers up to his neck.

Ash saw his night take a decidedly different and unwelcome turn.

Still smiling, and his eyes sparkling, Eiji said softly, “Good night, Ash.” Then rolled over.

Ash sighed quietly. He definitely had to train Artemis to sleep by herself.

 

 

“This is probably too much, isn’t it?”

“It’s definitely too much,” he opened a bag of chips, tried one and then held them out to Eiji. Eiji didn’t move to take them, just opened his mouth. Ash pretended to be hassled, and took the chips out to feed him. Eiji laughed and did the same, letting him take a bite out of one of the giant marshmallows they had bought. Artemis came by, attracted by the sounds of plastic rustling, jumping on Ash, the little bell on her collar tinkling softly.

“Sing and Shorter should be here soon.” A slight pause, “They’re bringing Yut Lung with them.”

“Wow, really? So, are they actually dating?”

“He says no,” Ash chewed thoughtfully, “But, I’d say, yeah, definitely.”

Eiji leaned back on the couch, tossing Ash candied popcorn that he caught only if Artemis didn’t swat it away first. “I guess we should have seen that coming.” He glanced at Ash sidelong. “So, double dates?”

Ash made a face. “Only if we have to.” Eiji laughed, and Ash smiled. His phone buzzed, “That’s them.” Putting the snacks down and picking up their cat, Ash got up.

“Be nice.” Eiji said getting up too.

“I’m always nice.” Said Ash without missing a beat. Eiji raised his eyebrow. “Fine, I’ll be nice if he’s nice.”

“How big of you.” Eiji kissed his cheek and then began to walk over to the door. “Come on, let’s go greet them."

Ash lagged behind for just a second. "If Yut Lung is a jerk to you, Artemis, you have my permission to scratch him, okay?" Ash said quietly. Artemis looked at him, and blinked big green eyes. "Good." 

"Ash?" Eiji, already at the door.

"Coming!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I very much wanted to make a joke at the end there when Eiji says "How big of you." With Ash saying something like, "If that think that's big -" but that felt kind of ooc, so I didn't, but Ash was definitely thinking it. Either way, "Dinner and Diatribes" plays in the background.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eiji makes a new friend, Ash isn't happy about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the people who suggested some jealousy, I hope you enjoy this one!

“And, I completely forgot I did that for that account, so when my icon shows up for the call, it’s a picture of Goku under the name ‘Son Goku.’”

Eiji laughed. He shook out one of his shirts and laid it on the table, folding it with practiced ease, not even paying attention to his movements anymore.

“And, what did they say?”

“Nothing, really.” Henry said, laughing too. “Thankfully my interviewer was a fellow nerd, he thought it was funny, so it all worked out.”

Eiji shook his head, chuckling, “You are so lucky.”

“I know, right?” He grinned at him. “Oh, here, I’ll help with that.”

Eiji was folding bed sheets. He took the ends on one side and Henry took the ends of the other and they folded it together. It reminded Eiji of class trips in elementary school, learning to clean up after themselves with the help of their fellow classmates. They folded it in half length-wise, and then folded it in half again, coming together to pass the ends off.

“Hey.”

Ash’s voice was a surprise, and Eiji nearly jumped despite the fact that he had spoken softly.

“What are you doing?”

“Oh, Ash, hi.” Eiji said. He was standing right in front of Henry who was still holding onto the sheet, he was looking at Ash too, smiling easily. “We are just doing laundry. This is Henry,” Eiji added, remembering his manners. “Henry, this is Ash.” He carefully took the folded sheet from Henry, not even noticing when Henry’s hand slid over his when he passed it back. He missed the way Ash’s gaze tracked that movement.

Ash went over to Eiji and handed him one of the cups he was holding. Eiji took it with a tentative smile. He took off the lid and sniffed it; it was barley tea, some of his favourite from a shop a couple of blocks away.

Henry stepped toward Ash, smiling, hand extended, “Hi, it’s nice to finally meet you, I’m Henry.”

Ash looked at Henry’s hand for just a second too long, but then grasped it, shaking it once and then letting go. “Ash.” He said.

Eiji looked between them feeling the sudden change in the atmosphere and not sure what to attribute it to. He gave Ash a look that he pretended not to see.

“Ah,” Eiji said, trying to ease the tension and fill in the silence. “Henry lives in the building too, he’s very funny. He gave me great tips on how to get stains out of white clothes.”

“I had to after you helped me out with the grass stains on jeans,” Henry said. He turned to Ash. “Eiji says you really like reading. I did my undergrad in English literature, so I’m always happy to meet book lovers. Do you have favourite authors?”

“Vasily Zhukovsky, Alexander Griboyedov, and Mikhail Lermontov.”

Henry blinked, then said, “Oh, sorry, I’ve, uh, never heard of them.”

Ash shrugged eloquently. “Yeah, I didn’t think so, they’re obscure.”

Another awkward silence followed. Henry folded clothes while Ash and Eiji stood by the machines drinking their tea. Eiji started to fidget, what was up with this weird tension?

“So,” Henry said, trying again, bless him. “I was thinking about what you said about missing the food from home, Eiji, I thought we could go to this great Japanese restaurant near here. I think you’d like it.” He nodded to Ash, “And, of course, Ash, you’re welcome to come.”

Eiji opened his mouth to say something, try to gently refuse, but Ash was faster. “He can’t,” he said. “He’s busy.”

Henry, though obviously confused, still smiled. “What, like, every day forever?”

“Yeah.” Ash said, deadpan. He put his arm around Eiji’s shoulders.

Henry clearly didn’t know what to say to that. He looked at Eiji, who felt his face burn in embarrassment, he smiled weakly, not knowing what else to do. When Eiji didn’t say anything, Henry turned away awkwardly and kept folding his clothes. The atmosphere in the laundry room grew heavier.

Ash didn’t say anything else, just sipped from his own cup. Eiji frowned at him. Ash could be kind of an ass, but he usually wasn’t flat out rude like this, especially for no reason. Eiji jabbed him with his elbow. Ash looked at him in surprise.

“What are you doing?” He hissed.

Ash just raised pale eyebrows at him. It was infuriating how calm and unaffected he looked. Eiji huffed and passed him his tea. He went over to the table and neatly placed his folded clothes into his basket.

“Sorry about that,” he said quietly to Henry. He didn’t really know what else to say. He could feel Ash’s eyes on his back as he worked.

Henry shook his head; he smiled a little. “It’s okay.” He glanced over at Ash, “Your boyfriend kinda hates me, huh?”

Eiji opened his mouth to say, _It’s not like that between us_ , but what he actually said was, “He’s not usually like this.”

Henry shrugged, his things packed now. “I should get going. Talk to you later, Eiji.” He picked up his bag of clean laundry and turned to Ash, “Nice meeting you.”

Ash blinked at him, watching him go. Eiji could see Henry’s smile falter a little, and then he left. Eiji put the rest of their clothes in the basket in fuming silence. He didn’t know what had just happened, but unless Ash had a brilliant explanation, and Henry secretly kicked puppies in his spare time, Eiji saw no reason why Ash had to be such an asshole to him.

When he was done, Eiji grabbed the basket and left the room without a word to Ash, who followed him anyway. The ride up the elevator was tense, Eiji looked determinedly anywhere but at Ash.

“Here,” Ash said, “we can switch.” He was still carrying the cups. He made to take the basket from Eiji, but he yanked it away from Ash’s grasp.

He turned blazing brown eyes on him. “What the hell is your problem?”

“What are you talking about?” Ash looked genuinely surprised and confused.

Eiji looked at him in disbelief, he gestured with one hand balancing the basket on his hip. “In the laundry room! You were such an ass! Why? Why did you have to be a huge jerk to my friend?”

The elevator door opened then. Eiji stormed out without waiting for Ash’s answer. Ash caught up easily.

“That’s what you’re mad about?” Ash scoffed. “That guy was such a weasel, I don’t know why you’re friends with him. ‘I did my undergrad in English literature.’” Ash mimicked, making a face.

Eiji thought about hitting him. They were at the apartment door now, Ash opened it, and Eiji brushed him. He went straight to their room and started putting things away furiously.

“Since when are you friends with that guy anyway?” Ash said, coming into the room, hands free now. “I thought you only talked to old housewives.”

Eiji put down the jeans he had taken out of the basket and rounded on Ash.

“What difference does it make?” He demanded. “That does not explain why you were so horrible! Henry was perfectly nice to you! He even invited you out, why did you have to shut him down like that?”

Now Ash looked angry too, though Eiji had no idea how Ash could possibly justify his own anger, he was so clearly in the wrong. Eiji wanted to throw something at him.

“Whatever.” Ash said, “Whatever.” He repeated, more forcefully, snatching his jacket up from where he had draped it over his bed. “Why don’t you call _Henry_ over then. I’m going out.”

“Maybe I will!”

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

The door slammed behind Ash.

Eiji stood for a moment glaring at it, then turned back and with a force that suggested each article of clothing had personally offended him, Eiji put away the rest of the clothes. After that he didn’t know what to do with his pent up anger. He might have really called Henry, if he knew his number. He still didn’t understand what was the matter with Ash. Was he not allowed to have friends now? Was it because he didn’t trust Eiji’s judgement? Did he think he was going to befriend some guy who was going to rat them out to Golzine, or say something incriminating?

“Stupid Ash,” he muttered, as he made his way to the kitchen. “He is such a – a – “ Eiji couldn’t think of a bad enough ending to that sentence and muttered angrily in Japanese as he cooked.

He considered making enough food for only himself. But, it felt petty and little, and while he wasn’t exactly above being both those things, he didn’t see what good it would do him in the end. He was upset with Ash, but he didn’t want him to go hungry. There would natto for breakfast though, for sure.

Eiji sat down to eat alone. He watched videos on his phone only partly paying attention. He wondered if Ash had gone to the library like he usually did. If he was sitting with a stack of books in front of him, and if he was waiting for Eiji to apologize first. That made his anger flare up again. He wouldn’t. Eiji was not going to apologize for something that was entirely Ash’s fault. He ate the rest of his food with that determined resolve.

Later he washed up, plating Ash’s food for him and carefully covering it. Then he went to get ready for bed. Ash still wasn’t back. Eiji frowned. He tried to push thoughts of Ash from his mind and go to sleep. He tossed and turned for a while and then finally gave up on sleep. With a deep sigh he sat back up and pulled out his phone. He opened Ash’s text chain.

> _Where are you?_

He hesitated for a moment, and then deleted the message. He put his phone down and turned on the TV. He wasn’t going to be the first one to say anything either.

Eiji flipped through channels before settling on a movie he actually liked. He managed to relax a little and pay attention to it.

About half way through the movie, he heard Ash come back. Eiji listened as he moved around the apartment, going into the kitchen, running water, opening the fridge, and then after a little while coming into their room. He stopped by the door and looked at Eiji in surprise, he had clearly thought he was going to find him asleep.

They looked at each other for a moment. Ash looked away first, he scratched at his cheek. It was then that Eiji realized he was carrying something. It was a flower, a single red rose, to be exact. Ash stood there for another second, and then abruptly walked forward, and offered Eiji the rose.

He didn’t look at him when he said, “They were just giving these out at the corner.”

Eiji looked at him quizzically, but he took it. It was lovely, he automatically brought it up to smell, and smiled, just a little.

“Thank you.”

There was an awkward pause. Still not looking at him, Ash sat at the edge of Eiji’s bed.

“Sorry.”

Eiji was actually annoyed by how much of his anger dissipated with that one word. That wasn’t fair; he shouldn’t be so easily swayed. He looked at the flower and thought, _Did he actually_ buy _this? No. No way._

“Will you tell me now why you were such a jerk?”

Ash frowned at his feet, and shrugged. “I just didn’t like him, okay?” He kicked a foot. “He was all over you.”

“What?”

“He touched your hand,” he said, almost accusingly. “He’s into you.”

Eiji laughed a little, disbelieving. “Henry? Not at all.”

“He is!” Ash finally looked at him. “It’s so obvious.”

Eiji gave him a sceptical look. “Okay, but _I_ do not think of him that way, and why do you care? Are you jealous or something?”

He didn’t know why he said it. And then when he did, he meant it to be a joke, offhand, but Ash answered him anyway.

“Yeah.”

There was a silence that followed in which Eiji wasn’t sure if this was really happening or he had actually fallen asleep and this was all just a crazy dream. He stared at Ash.

“I like you,” Ash said abruptly, green eyes intense. He pushed back his bangs with an agitated gesture. “I like you, and seeing him all chummy with you just – it sucked.” When Eiji didn’t say anything to this after a moment, Ash looked away again. “Right. Just forget I said anything.” He made to get up.

Eiji reached out to grab his sleeve before he had even thought about it. Eiji felt like something warm was sitting pleasantly in his stomach. Ash was blushing, he was flustered, and Eiji felt his cheeks heat too, but he was smiling.

“I like you too.”

Wide green eyes gazed at him. It was actually kind of funny how surprised Ash looked, Eiji almost laughed.

“Can I - kiss you?”

“Yes.”

The kiss was sweet, so sweet it almost hurt, and Ash, he was _shy_. It was both amusing and incredibly endearing. Eiji wanted to preserve shy Ash in amber, so he could keep him forever. It was so novel, and so very cute.

Eiji traced the line of Ash’s jaw with his fingers, slid his hand into his hair, and opened his mouth at Ash’s gentle prompting. Maybe he was dreaming after all.

He pulled away, slowly, only managing to move back about an inch before he kissed Ash again, he couldn’t help it. He lifted his other hand to Ash’s face, and remembered the rose he was holding. He drew back when he accidentally poked Ash with it.

“Sorry!”

Ash smiled, his face a lovely pink. “It’s okay.” Thankfully the flower was dethorned, so there had been no actual damage done.

They caught each other’s eye, and then laughed, for no reason. A release of nervous energy, and of course, they were both stupidly happy.

“I’ll go get a vase for this,” Ash said after a moment that they spent looking at each other, and looking away, smiling the whole time.

“Okay.”

 

 

In the morning Eiji made breakfast as usual, and when he set the table, Ash took the mugs from him and kissed him on the cheek.

“Good morning,” he said.

“Good morning.”

They smiled at each other.

“Wait,” Ash said, once he sat down and saw what had been served. “Did you mix up our plates? There’s so much natto here!” 

Well, maybe Eiji was just a little bit petty after all. Ash _had_ been a jerk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually combined an idea of mine I didn't know what to do with for this one. Where Ash gets Eiji a flower after an argument that "they were just giving out" on the street. Sure they were, Ash. Giving them out in exchange for money at the flower shop maybe. 
> 
> Got prompts, ideas, suggestions for other short stories? I'd love them! Leave them in comments or on my [tumblr](nightofviolet.tumblr.com)!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A broken kettle and Eiji's not-so clever ruse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is dumb. I meant to make it more like April Fool's-y, but I got this instead. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Based off [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auK3t0MSsCA) Parks and Rec scene.

They all stood around the small breakfast table looking down at what sat on its surface.

“Who broke it?” Asked Eiji, his brown eyes wide and guileless as he looked around at the other boys. “I’m not mad, I just want to know.”

There was silence for a beat and then, “Don’t look at me,” Alex put up his hands, and then looked over to his left, “look at Bones.”

“What? I didn’t break it!”

Kong, lifting one hand a little, “Could be this is nothin’, but I did see Sing using it earlier…”

“I just moved it aside, I was making toast!” Sing stared up defiantly at the other boy, the difference in their size comical.

Alex glanced to the boy who stood on Eiji’s other side. “Ash is being awfully quiet.”

“You got something you wanna say to me?” Ash had been standing with his arms crossed; he dropped them to glare at Alex over Eiji’s head.

“You callin’ me a liar?”

“I ain’t calling you a truther!”

“Don’t talk to him like that!”

“I’ll talk to him however I want!”

“Are you _yelling_ at me?”

A huge argument ensued in which the broken kettle sat forgotten on the table. It was a complete free – for – all. In the chaos no one noticed as Eiji quietly slipped away, struggling not to laugh.

 

 

Later Eiji came back up from the store with the ingredients for dinner. The boys seemed to have left; there had been no resolution to the kettle debacle, but Eiji had still gotten the outcome he wanted. He put the bags down in the kitchen and went to see if Ash was home.

Walking into their shared room he found Ash putting together his guns and stashing them around his person. Eiji frowned, “What’s going on?”

“A duel.” Ash said without looking up, locking the clip in place on one of his guns, a satisfying click ringing out.

“What?” Eiji walked over to him, “Why? With who? What happened?”

“With Alex.” Ash said calmly, like he wasn’t just dropping crazy information on Eiji. “He called me a liar,” Ash finally looked at Eiji, his green eyes were clear and steady, “I can’t have that from my number two, and I can’t let that slide. I don’t want to do this but,” Ash tucked the gun into his waistband under his shirt, and shrugged.

“ _What_?” Eiji stared at him, completely incredulous. “This is _insane_! You can’t just – you will kill him! Ash are you hearing yourself?”

“I told you,” Ash said, his tone patient, an instructor repeating a simple problem to their pupil, “he has to answer for it.” Ash made to leave the room.

Eiji scrambled forward and blocked his way, arms out, hands on the doorframe. “No.” He said fiercely.

Ash regarded him for a moment. “You think you can say something that will change things?” He raised one eyebrow, and then leaned in, dropping his voice. “Like maybe you were the one to break that stupid kettle?”

“You knew?” Eiji was both surprised and guilty. He couldn’t believe his one dumb decision had escalated so far so fast.

Ash rolled his eyes. “Please.” He said, and Eiji wanted to hit his smug beautiful face. “What I don’t know is, why?”

Eiji dropped his hands from the doorframe slowly. He brought his arms up, more holding himself then crossing them. “You’ve been so quiet lately,” Eiji said in a small voice, looking down at his feet, feeling the weight of his actions. “Nothing I say gets any response from you, I thought maybe this would, I don’t know, wake you up? I am sorry.”

There was a short moment of silence, and then Ash began to laugh. Eiji snapped his head up. Ash had his head thrown back, eyes closed, he laughed hard, and truthfully, Eiji was a little worried for him.

Finally the laughter subsided, Ash wiped the tears from his eyes and grinned at Eiji, leaning forward again, one hand on the doorframe. “There’s no duel. Come on, what do you take me for? But, I had to get you back.”

Relief was the prominent feeling, and then annoyance, and a little amusement. Ash grinned down at him, green eyes sparkling, life back in his gaze, and his demeanour full of that compelling brilliance Eiji had first seen in him when they met. Eiji smiled slowly, he couldn’t be mad; this was all his fault, after all. He had spilled hot water on himself earlier that day and dropped the kettle.

“Thanks for worrying about me,” Ash said, after a beat where neither of them could seem to tear their gaze away from each other. Ash’s grin was now a warm smile, it made Eiji’s heart flutter, and he was incredibly aware of just how close they were.

“Of course.” Eiji said into the space between them.

Ash reached up to tuck a lock of dark hair behind Eiji’s ear. Eiji’s gaze dropped to Ash’s lovely pink mouth. Ash was even closer now.

Just then a loud knock on the door sounded startling both of them so badly they jumped, bumping their foreheads together. They looked at each other, both of them pink, and then laughed. They went over to the door. The rest of the boys were back, Shorter with them this time, they had brought food, which Eiji frowned at, he supposed it was more fast-food today, and of course they brought –

“Here,” Bones proffered a box to Eiji; it was a new kettle.

“We’re sorry about earlier,” said Kong.

“Yeah,” Sing shoved his hands into his pockets, and Shorter ruffled his hair.

Eiji and Ash exchanged a look. Eiji took the new kettle and smiled at them. “Thank you.” He said, grateful to all of them for much more than just that kettle, or even that moment. He felt a twinge of regret for the moment that had been lost to him and Ash, but there would be time for others. For now, he had this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been kinda sad recently so writing something dumb and kinda funny was nice. I mean, writing sad things can be cathartic, but it can also just be, well, sad. ^^;; 
> 
> I haven't forgotten about people's suggestions, they are pending! 
> 
> Also! Congrats fam, we are all contributors to a Hugo Award nominee!!! What a time to be alive. =D


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash considers his scars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is partly why this whole collection is rated M. I knew eventually I would get to something more sexual, it was just a matter of time. I won't go explicit, but there might be more suggestive stuff in the future, just sayin'.
> 
> Also, I was partly inspired by, appropriately enough, the song [Scar](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKn7XAMNV-g) by Missy Higgins. (Not Hozier this time, if you can believe that.) It's lovely, I recommend it. =)
> 
> For context! I imagine this takes place after the series, and they're living in Japan. It basically belongs in the world of [Fool For Lesser Things](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15950558/chapters/37197242) but you don't have to have read it to get this.

There were things about himself Ash didn’t notice anymore. He thought everyone must have aspects of themselves they just didn’t _see_ anymore, the colour of their hair, or eyes, or the freckles on their skin. They become a kind of white noise, something happening in the background of their existence, and it’s all simply tuned out. Until suddenly it isn’t.

Ash’s scars were like that. Day to day Ash didn’t see them, when he changed, when he looked in a mirror, when he showered, he usually saw only the sum of his parts, and not those parts individually. That was something new, something he was just learning after so much time having his value tied intrinsically to his looks.

It wasn’t that Ash cared about the pale lines that littered his body, he couldn’t care less, but sometimes what those scars meant were harder to bear. It wasn’t the scars on his skin that marred him, but the ones on his heart.

Sometimes he lay in bed with Eiji, wearing little or nothing at all and talking about them. Eiji had asked him months ago if that was okay, if Ash wanted to talk about them. He had pointed to a particularly old one on Ash’ side and said, “What happened?” Innocently, sweetly concerned, and curious. Eiji had added almost immediately, “You don’t have to tell me.”

Ash knew that was true, he didn’t have to. He didn’t have to do anything with or for Eiji. He could walk right out of that apartment and into the night, tell Eiji he never wanted to see him again, and Eiji would accept it. If it were what Ash wanted, then Eiji wouldn’t push. For someone like Ash, that knowledge was as intoxicating as it was incredible. It was a senseless fantasy, like a nightmare he conjured in his brain when he couldn’t sleep and wanted to torture himself, what if Ash just left everything that was good in his life?

Of course, Eiji wouldn’t be quite so complacent as all that. If Ash really did leave, Eiji would follow him. He’d argue with him, shout with and at him, he’d tell Ash he was being stupid, he’d tell him all the ways he was an idiot. Ash could see it in his mind’s eye, Eiji’s furious brown eyes, and his brows drawn together, his anger making him seem older. He could hear too, the things Eiji might say, and then, in his lovely and accented English, “You’re being an idiot, but I still love you!” Ash could see it all so clearly, it seemed almost like a memory instead of a waking nightmare.

Ash hadn’t done that; he hadn’t given in to that particular self-destructive impulse, instead he had said, “It’s okay.” Ash had told him; Eiji had traced the line on the slight curve of Ash’s waist, and Ash told him about training with Blanca. He told Eiji about lessons in knife fighting, and how Blanca had only pulled his punches enough not to kill Ash.

This intimacy was easy, well, easier than others. Ash had always felt he could talk to Eiji. When he looked into warm brown eyes his heart felt lighter, he could feel that warmth sink into the depths of his being, calling to him, pulling him irresistibly from the depths of his own despair. It was easier now than it had been before to pick himself up, knowing Eiji was waiting patiently for him, wanting only that he be well.

Today was one of those days. It was an insufferably hot summer night and they had both showered in ice water but the relief had been minimal and brief. Lying in bed Eiji had kissed Ash’s shoulder, and pointed to a pale scar that could hardly even be seen anymore, right under his collarbone. “Will you tell me?”

There was something lovely about the fact that Eiji noticed this barely there mark on his skin. Though, Ash shouldn’t be surprised, he noticed every detail of Eiji’s.

“I think that’s from when I was little.” Ash said, covering Eiji’s hand with his own over where it sat on his chest. Ash was lying on his back, and Eiji had turned on his side to look at him. It was late, night had fallen completely, and there was only a crescent moon out, its light just enough for him to see Eiji’s expression.

“I was playing with Griffin,” Ash continued, remembering. “It was raining outside,” Ash could see the gloom in their house from the overcast sky outside. “So we were playing hide and seek inside. Griffin always let me catch him, so I was hardly ever it. I didn’t realize he was letting me win at the time, I thought I was just really fast.” Ash smiled, feeling that familiar sweet ache that came with every memory of his brother. “He was chasing me through the kitchen, and I tripped. I fell on the divide between the wooden floor and the kitchen tiles, there was a little nail sticking out at the side we had never stepped on, but when I fell it nicked me.” Ash didn’t remember the pain, but he did remember the surprise. “It hurt, but more than anything I was just afraid, I didn’t know what had done it. It caught on my shirt too, and ripped it. I thought Griffin would be mad.” Ash shook his head a little. “He wasn’t mad, obviously. He helped me clean up the cut, and then hammered down the nail.” Ash remembered the look on Griffin’s face when he got up with blood dotting his shirt. “I think he was probably more afraid than I was.”

They were silent for a moment. Then Eiji said, “I wish I could have met him.”

Ash gently squeezed his hand. “Yeah. He would have liked you.”

“Really?”

Ash turned his head to look at Eiji, who smiled a little. Ash smiled too. “Really.”

“He wouldn’t care about,” Eiji gestured vaguely, “us?”

It was something Ash had thought about from time to time, but no matter how he looked at it, the answer was always, “No.”

They didn’t say anything else. Ash leaned over and kissed him. He hadn’t meant anything by it exactly. There was no intention behind it, but Eiji made a little noise, and then brushed Ash’s tongue with his own.

It felt almost inevitable when Eiji pressed him firmly into the mattress, a wonderful promise fulfilled, and it was Ash who hooked his hand behind Eiji’s knee and helped him straddle Ash’s waist. The contact was electric; the little unconscious movements of Eiji’s hips were hotter than the summer night, and Ash would never get over the way Eiji said his name, which he did just then.

Ash bit Eiji’s shoulder at the first touch where he ached for him, breathing hard, wanting more, wanting anything Eiji gave him, wanting –

It was probably the sound of the car passing combined with a sudden touch to his thigh that made Ash suddenly panic. A half remembered memory breaking into his mind. Ash felt himself tense, and then felt that same tension in Eiji’s body. They both froze and their eyes met. Very carefully, Eiji climbed off him, he knelt beside Ash and asked a little breathlessly, “Okay?”

He wished he were.

This too was a scar. An invisible one on his body and mind that sometimes pulled him away from Eiji when all he wanted was to be close. Unlike all the scars on his body, this one was still raw, at times it was tender and sore, and at times he didn’t notice it at all, but like the lines on his skin, sometimes he couldn’t ignore it.

“Talk to me.”

Eiji did. Ash had found early on that the sound of his voice was soothing at times like these. Eiji told him about his own childhood memory playing hide and seek with his sister. Running around their house and into their mother who had recently swept, and accidentally scattering all the dust and crumbs she had piled up. Eiji told him about being made to clean up, Eiji doing most of the work because his sister had been too little to properly hold the broom. That had made Ash smile, he could almost see them both, little Eiji and Sakura, Sakura holding the dustpan and Eiji sweeping into it. Probably wearing overalls, Ash had seen pictures; there were a lot of overalls in Eiji’s past.

When Ash felt calm again, Eiji went to get him a glass of water. He didn’t mention their abandoned attempts at sex, only drank the rest of the water Ash left in the glass. He kissed Ash sweetly on the cheek and lay back down.

Ash wanted to cuddle, to pull Eiji into him and sleep pressed together, their bodies curled like question marks, but it was too hot. Instead he took Eiji’s hand, kissed his palm, and held on to that as they slept.

 

 

In the morning Ash’s adore was rekindled. Eiji sleeping sweet and deep, Ash couldn’t help but kiss him awake. His mouth on the lovely curve of Eiji’s neck, the dip of his collarbone, and plane of his chest. The soft sounds Eiji made were familiar, but no less exciting because of that. When Eiji gasped, his hips jerking up, Ash smiled into Eiji’s skin. And, when brown eyes focused on him, Ash laughed, seeing Eiji struggle for annoyance passed his obvious pleasure.

“’Morning.” Ash said.

“Good morning.”

They looked at each other, and Eiji’s expression slowly softened. When they kissed it was deep and intimate. When they touched each other to the point of passionate abandon, it was only Eiji Ash thought of.

Eiji couldn’t take away his scars, neither the ones on his body, or on his heart. But, he did help Ash accept them. When they caught the light of the sun or the moon, Ash could look at them with equanimity, he could remember the pain they brought him, the things they had cost him, and he could let them go. Ash let them fade into the background, they were his past, but now all that mattered was his glorious future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The line Ash says about his brother letting him win, and Ash thinking he was just fast is taken from "Kings Rising" by C.S. Pacat. That series has so many older brother feels, that's not a great pitch I realize, but it's also so good and I recommend it. 
> 
> I've thought about writing this a few times. Possibly this, or something very like it will eventually be part of something longer, I'm not sure yet. Let me know what you thought! =)
> 
> Still use tumblr? Hey, me too! Find me [here](nightofviolet.tumblr.com)


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